The Invisible Weight: The Mental Load of Motherhood When Raising a Disabled Child
We talk about the mental load of motherhood so often; the endless lists, the juggling, the constant thinking ahead. Every mother knows that load can be heavy.
But what about the mental load of parenting a disabled child?
That weight can feel immovable. It’s not just about remembering appointments and managing medication schedules, it’s the constant stream of phone calls, meetings, follow-ups, and decisions that never seem to end.
It’s the worry that hums quietly in the background (and sometimes loudly in the middle of the night):
Am I doing enough? Am I missing something?
Even the most organized, capable mothers can find themselves stopping mid-thought under the pressure of it all.
If you’re feeling that way, please know this: You are not alone.
At some point, the heaviness catches up with all of us. It’s so easy to lose yourself in the whirlwind of caring for your child; to forget who you were before the diagnoses, the paperwork, the therapies, and the advocacy. Many mothers talk about losing pieces of themselves in motherhood, but when you’re raising a disabled child, it can feel nearly impossible not to.
So, what do we do with that?
How do we balance the needs of our children, which are often so immediate and consuming, with our own needs for rest, identity, and joy? How do we make space for the person behind “Mom”?
We hear the word self-care thrown around constantly, but when you’re stretched to your limits, self-care can feel like a distant luxury; something for other people, other moms, the ones who have more time or help or space to breathe. But self-care for parents of disabled children doesn’t have to look like spa days or long weekends away. Sometimes, it looks like closing the bathroom door and taking three slow breaths. Sometimes, it’s asking for help, saying no without guilt, or finding a few minutes to step outside and feel the sun on your face.
And sometimes, self-care is bigger.
It’s recognizing that the weight you carry isn’t meant to be carried alone. It’s reaching out, for respite care, for connection, for therapy.
Finding a therapist who truly understands the complexities of raising a disabled child can be life-changing. It’s a space where you don’t have to explain or minimize your feelings. It’s a chance to process the grief, the guilt, the exhaustion, and the love, all of it, in a way that’s safe and supportive.
And just as important, seek out community. Other parents who get it. People who understand that your version of normal looks different and who remind you that different doesn’t mean less.
You deserve support. You deserve care. You deserve to feel like you again.
Because taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s how you sustain the strength, compassion, and resilience it takes to keep showing up for your child, day after day.
Author: Katie Llewellyn, LPC
Specializes in maternal mental health including disability parenting
Learn more: https://www.balancedcollective.co/llewellyn
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